Men may find it quite difficult to get the words “I love you” out for the first time, but once they do, it’s easy to take that simple phrase for granted. As relationships progress and the initial honeymoon bliss has worn off, saying “I love you” sometimes — or most of the time — seems like an afterthought, much like saying “Take care” when saying goodbye to a friend or relative.
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But here’s the thing: There are plenty of ways to express your love to your woman without uttering those three little words. Little gestures go a long way in conveying your feelings, and it’s these things that make women feel special and loved. Read on for some suggestions on how to show her “I love you” — without having to say those words.
- Do it the old-fashioned way.
Any girl would be thrilled to receive a handwritten love letter from her guy. Never mind if your handwriting resembles chicken scratches and the letter is peppered with so many crossed out misspelled words — those just make the letter even more endearing, a true labor of love. (Though perfectionist guys can do it over if they want.) To make the gesture even more meaningful, send it via snail mail, or leave it beside her pillow along with her favorite chocolate or flower.
- Lend an ear.
One booboo men often make is thinking that they should be their woman’s knights in shining armor — men are hardwired to solve problems, and so they continually offer advice. For once, keep your trap shut and let your girl talk away. Women need an outlet for their emotions, and they do it by talking. Resist the urge to offer advice, because your efforts will most likely be in vain. “My girlfriend was griping about her boss,” relates Hank. “I kept giving her advice, and she kept getting upset, until I finally got upset because she wouldn’t take my advice! It wasn’t until we had both calmed down that I realize that all she wanted was someone to listen to her, not unsolicited advice.”
- Chivalry is not dead.
It’s indeed a paradox — women want to be treated as equals, but they also have moments when they want to feel special. Treat her like a queen by opening doors for her (that includes the car door!), making sure to stay on the “danger” side when crossing the street with her, and giving her a hand with when she’s carrying heavy items. Just don’t go overboard, though. “I appreciate men with manners, but it drove me crazy one time when my date insisted on accompanying me to the bathroom and parked himself right outside the door!” says Sherry. “I knew he had good intentions, but it didn’t feel romantic; it felt creepy. Like he was my keeper or worse, a stalker!”
- Wake her up with a sweet serenade.
One weekend, rouse her from sleep by giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek and singing her favorite song — or your “couple” song. If you’re shy about your singing voice, fill the room with notes of that sweet melody via the speakers instead. Turn up the romantic vibe by serving her breakfast in bed — she’ll definitely say it’s the best way to start the weekend right!
- Be willing to change for her.
“When my girlfriend, Denise, and I broke up, I was pretty devastated,” says Noah. “She was the one who wanted to break up because she felt the relationship was going nowhere — she was making all the decisions for both of us, which I realized she did, in hindsight. After some soul searching, I made the decision to win her back. I knew that I had to convince her that the passive me was a thing of the past. It took some time before she could get over skepticism, but we finally worked things out.”
The message here is this: Even if your girl isn’t saying anything, be attentive to what she doesn’t like — be it a bad habit such as smoking — and be sensitive enough to tune in to her feelings — she doesn’t feel that you value her, or probably feels that you spend more time with your friends than with her. By your willingness to change and be a better person (without her nagging at you to do so), you’ll definitely communicate to her that she’s a person worthy of a sacrifice. Putting her needs before yours is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to convey just how much you lover her.
For more info on how to change yourself for the better, read our article “How to show her you’ve changed“.
- Don’t forget to celebrate milestones.
It’s a given that couples celebrate anniversaries and Valentine’s Day — but what about your first date, your first kiss, and other occasions that hold a special meaning for both of you? Surprise your woman by remembering those, and she’ll definitely love it. Says Samantha, “Usually, it’s women who would remember those, so if a man does something to ‘commemorate’ the occasion, he’s definitely a guy worth keeping.”
- Compliment her.
Simply tell her that she looks beautiful, even if you’re just going out for a movie or dinner, and watch her face light up with happiness. Sincere flattery never fails to make a woman look even more radiant! Husbands can also compliment their wives on whipping up a great meal, or voicing out their admiration about how they’re able to juggle so many responsibilities without breaking a sweat. “I overheard my husband telling his friends how incredible I am,” shares Barbara. “It made me love him all the more!”
- Show the world that she’s your woman!
No woman will be able to resist this gesture from her guy: by showing the world how proud and honored he is to be with her. “I really felt his love when I dropped by my boyfriend’s office one day and saw my picture on his desk!” says Susan. “I know it’s cheesy, but I really loved it. He’s such a good-looking guy, and girls flirt with him all the time. But by displaying my picture at work, he’s telling the world that he’s taken, and that meant everything to me.”